I'm moving!

I'm moving to a new blog - Pink Damask. Find me there!

Happy New Year!

There's nothing quite so inspiring as the dawn of a new year.
This year will be the last one I live in my 40s, and I can only hope it will be a strong and productive and happy one.

My New Year's Eve was good - low key and spent with friends.
Today I snuggled in and read my first book of the year - James Lee Burke's Swan Peak. It's the first James Lee Burke that I've read, though it is his latest book. I liked it - but I have to say that I felt as if I was coming in to the show at intermission. Even though I grew up in the south, much of his colloquial language was beyond me and left me feeling like an outsider.

This is exactly why I often start reading new authors at the beginning - or chronologically at the beginning anyway.

What do we all expect for this year?
What are our new year's resolutions?
What do we hope to get from ourselves?

I am still thinking about it all, and will let you know :)

Happy!!!

The self-help gurus - Robert Holden

At almost half a century old, I've read a solid pile of self help books and done my share of navel gazing. I think that each of us has a balance somewhere between looking inward and examining ourselves, and looking outward, and just living the lives we have. Both are necessary, but either one in excess can throw us off balance.

This year, I'm going to have a look at some of the popular self help gurus, and consider what they have to say - and at the same time, I am going to take myself outside, and just live more.

Robert Holden is a happiness guru, and has a 'radical 10 day plan to accept who you really are.' I thought I would give it a look:

Self-acceptance is an invitation to stop trying to change yourself into the person you wish to be, long enough to find out who you really are. Robert Holden has a 10-day plan to help you figure out who this self is that you're supposed to be accepting and how to say yes to your life.

Take a moment right now to assess where you are on the self-acceptance scale. Over the next 10 days, focus on just one main principle and exercise on the pages that follow. At the end, take the test again to see how much you've grown.

The self-acceptance scale can be found here, on Oprah's site if you want to join the party and follow along for ten days.

I scored about 50%, and though I doubt 10 days can change the balance of self esteem, it could be a good place to start.

First Day of the last year of my 40s

Yesterday was my birthday, and to be honest, it ranked up there with the worst birthdays ever. There was no party, no cake, no gifts, no cards, and no singing the birthday song. I know that the horrible birthday is because of my own hermit-behavior, and depression etc, but that doesn't stop my inner self from feeling lost, alone, and sorry for myself. So, I cried myself to sleep and resolved to get on with things.
This is my new year, and I am going to make it a much better one. I would like to be able to read this on my 50th birthday, look back over the year, and see what amazing changes I've been able to make. It's up to me. With that in mind, it's time to start making changes. I have to set some goals, and learn how to make them happen. Here's a start. I want to journal all of this year - I've been having a hard time finding the motivation to do it - but this is the beginning and here we are. I want to lose about 20 lbs and get in shape so I can feel good about my body again. I want to quit smoking this year. I want to get in better financial shape this year. That's a good start for today.
The next step is to build the steps I need to achieve my goals. Today I am cocooning and licking my wounds and building strength.

The Getting to 50 Bucket List

I've jotted down the beginnings of bucket lists a few times in my life, but never kept them and never really took the items on the list seriously as life goals.

The BucketList website is a great way to finally build that list and begin to make those things happen. You've got to check it out! It's going to be fun!

Fuzzy Wuzzy Wuz a Bear

When I'm struggling with the bad blues, I can't seem to write at all. I tend to hide out in my cave like a wounded bear - but then it's hard to come out and re-join the fray. However, I realized the other day that one positive thing I can say for myself is that I keep trying. Not that I really have any choice in the matter, but I have resolved to teach myself to think more positively. No empty repetition of happy-face phrases, no 'I am good enough!', 'I deserve love!', 'I am special!'. That kind of false silliness only serves to depress me more. But, at this point in my life I believe that our brains really do have the power to run our lives, and I have been running mine down the darkest, scariest paths. 12 days until I turn 49 - and my fondest wish is that this coming year I spend traveling paths with much more light, more laughter and more joy. Think positively and optimistically, and live those thoughts and the resulting actions with consistency and sometimes dogged determination. This is what will make the last year of my forties a good one. See you there.

Some days are better than others!